Baseless rants, Growing pains

What If my son becomes a sexual offender?

Lately we have been hearing about many incidents of rape, torture and murder. Babies that can’t stand on their own, little girls who haven’t even come of age, elderly women who are too feeble to walk – nobody is an exclusion. It is appalling that of late victims of many such shameless acts have been little children.

A recent incident that came to light – the rape and murder of an 8 yo girl in Kathua is extremely tragic. It is a shame and no amount of condolences can earn us her forgiveness. It was a horrendous act and the maggots responsible for such heinous crimes should never be pardoned.

This incident had me all tearing up. It filled me with anger. If it was in my power to punish these animals – the ones that destroyed the lives of Aasifa, Nirbhaya, and the many other women we have not heard of, I would have them brutally castrated. That these men could be so consumed by carnal cravings that there is no regard for another human’s life is just disgusting on so many levels. They should be punished severely. Only such severe punishment to those accused can serve as a warning for the upcoming rapists.

Yes, Maybe. But is that the solution? Will that stop rape incidents in the future? Will our daughters and mothers be safe from tomorrow?

Most of my friends are  young mothers. I am sure that they have heard about these incidents and as are as shocked and enraged as I am. Some of the friends I spoke to are already worried for the safety of their little daughters. I do not have kids, but sometimes I catch myself wondering if I can guarantee a safe society for my unborn daughter. I cannot bear to even think that something horrible like that can happen to her. That is my precious daughter and I will do everything to keep her safe & protected.

But what could be worse than some ghastly assault befalling my daughter is if my son turned into a sex offender. Yes. I said that.

We talk about how best we can keep our girls safe and all that. But safe from what? We all need to take some time to think about it. Just punishing the accused assaulters is not going to stop all these sexual crimes against women. Raising our sons to respect women will. A long shot, but well worth the try, I think.

Maybe it is just as simple as that. Maybe it is time we start thinking along those lines. Maybe we need to eliminate gender stereotyping right from home. Right from when we start raising the kids up.  It is not just about sexual crimes against women. It is also about verbal abuse, harassment, pretty much everything under gender based violence.

Don’t let our boys get the idea that girls are weak and that they can boss over the girls. I have seen that happen an uncountable number of times. Let us stop telling the kids that cars and bikes are “anna” oda toys and stove and skillets are “paapa” oda toys. Teach the boys to respect their sisters.

It is funny that sexual abuse is so common in our country and yet sex education is taboo. We need to teach our kids about what good and bad touches are. We need to train them to discuss stuff with us.

I read an article about how a 5th std kid suddenly started hurling verbal abuses at his younger sister everyday. The parents later found out that he had teamed up with some kids from his tennis academy to play a video game that involved beating and tying up girls. The game influenced the kid to demean his sister – a girl. Left unchecked, this surely would go on to influence this thoughts, actions as he grows older. These are places parents need to be
more careful. Yes, kids need to have their space. But they also need to be monitored. They need to believe that parents are friends and not condemners.  They need to know, and know for sure, that they can always fall back on the parents.

Unless the boys we raise now are taught to respect and value girls, I think these rapes & murders will never stop. Even long after we have settled in Mars.

It will break my heart into a million pieces if my daughter was a rape victim. I will never have it in me to forgive those responsible.
But it will break into a million more if my son was a rapist. Then, I will never be able to forgive myself.

I wrote this in an emotional rush. I don’t even know if it makes sense.

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