I want to donate eggs. I do not believe, even for an instant, in Aryan supremacy and theories such like. Although, I would like to state that I am ( possibly and wishfully) one eight Aryan since there is a long running secret legend in my family that my great grandpa ( a physician in a rajput court ) eloped with the princess and fled to Burma, and then migrated and all that, and finally landed in a very remote village ( now, a not-so-remote town) in South India.
What I am trying to say in the last few lines, walking you through my convoluted lineage is this : I am not in the slightest mood to decimate people, like one of my late co-Aryans ( May his soul RIPOrNot ) once did. Rather, I want to nurture life. I like life. I like my life, I like the lives of my friends even though jealousy peppers it sometimes. And as a woman, I want to give life. I want this world to welcome and cherish like minded individuals who reflect my ideas. So, right now, the most compelling action item on my agenda is donating eggs. Why waste those life giving cells? I can give them away and bring a smile on someone else’s face. Maybe bring an estranged couple together… Fulfill the wish of some dying old man – ” Neenge thaatha aayiteenge..” and then muffled sobs and multiple nose blowing rituals… See, I like to see people happy.
My progeny will grow into a beautiful band of inspiring bloggers – one in Chennai, blogging by the marina munching on sundal, one in Agra, writing away on the banks of the Yamuna reviving a romance that lived with Shah Jahan and Mumtaz, and his other consorts. Maybe a couple of my kids will grow up in different European countries. And with the migrant crisis, I think by 23 or 24, they will have visited / lived in almost all the countries of the EU. [ Way to go, birth-mamma!]
But I think the very idea of me donating egg cells will cause my parents to go crazy head over heels – assuming it is a possible state. Egg Donation does not go well with my society, nor with my relatives, nor my parents. It is still considered a weird and sacrilegious offence in my place. Coz you know, workplace harassment, corrupt politics, routine and shameless flicking of mangoes and guavas from the neighbour’s garden is the status quo. But donating eggs, What? Am I out of my mind? It is really annoying that people are ignorant or pretend to be ignorant about the normalcy of these things. What will our neighbours say if you donate your eggs? Firstly, why should they bother what I do with my eggs? Secondly, Why should I bother about what they do with their mouths!
Okay, actually all this society bashing is for nothing coz I don’t even know if there is any egg accepting centers nearby. So I don’t even know if I can donate. Either ways, I hate this stupid society. It is an insufferable egomaniac.
This was not what I had in my head when i titled this post ‘Egg Donation and Other Environmental Issues’. But I digressed. And now I am grumpy and annoyed. And so I really do not want to think about all the chips wrappers and PET bottles that people litter the beaches with. It is bad, people. There are these flocks of plastic garbage floating scattered in the sea. But you are not going to care, are you?
See, I do not even want to talk about it now. I am gonna go now. But yeah, before I do, having this fall on deaf ears – Don’t feed the sea gulls with kurkure, you idiots. They are part of a different food chain. They have to eat what they are supposed to eat to balance the setup. Fish, not corn wafers. You kill the gulls with your snack packets and their fish with your plastic bottles.
( Ok, i really hope that someday Spielberg will make a movie on mutated sea gulls and use these lines which will then go on to become No. 5 in Vanity Fair’s Most Famous movie quotes of all times . Hugh Jackman will be playing a very significant role as a balding yet utterly hot ornithologist-cum-researcher, who has given up on his passion and lives in a north pole igloo, smoking thick cigars and eating open-fire roasted fish. When a bunch of young, impulsive, brave and sexy 25 yo’s who have teamed up to save the world seek his advice, Nathan Riordan (Jackman) will narrate his past, with a short romantic montage with keira knightly, and finally close with these historical lines : You kill the gulls with your snack packets and their fish with your plastic bottles. Okay fine, but it did sound extremely cool in my head. And so, my next blog post is totally going to be a mutated sea gulls movie script, which i will pitch to Spielberg. I will never claim rights on it if he agrees to cast Douglas booth, Theo James, and also David Beckham. I will settle for a dinner party with the cast members and will never talk about my association with the script to anybody. I swear. Also it is purely co-incidental and completely unintentional that my cast choice is English. Let’s add DiCaprio, Brad Pitt and Will Smith to balance. Looks good in my head. )
Okay, back to the sea gulls. Stop feeding the gulls with potato chips and corn puffs, people. They do that a lot on the ferry ride to the Elephanta caves. The birds might forget hot to catch fish and there might come a time when humans run out of snacks business and then the gulls will start eating us! It is a plausible theory and it scares me. There is even going to be a movie on it, with which I have no association [ 😉 to Spielberg ]. So just please stop it.